It was late on Friday evening when Sandeep was driving back from town to his house in suburbs in his Skoda Superb. He liked driving back home, enjoying rock music and pieces with great guitar work. But today his mind was occupied by the two presentations he had to make- one to his key client next day and one to his MD on Monday. It was on one of the numerous red signals that he noticed and initially ignored some street kids playing on the side. But the signal was really long and he could not help notice them again. They seemed to be in bliss and Sandeep could not ignore the irony of it- these were street kids who hardly had any material possessions, probably not even sure if they would get a proper meal for dinner- and yet ! At least this realization took away the concerns from the upcoming presentations ! He came back to enjoying the music though a bit distracted- looking around for other pieces of liveliness at other signals. Another one which grabbed his attention, and really got him thinking was a young couple in their early twenties sharing an intimate moment. This is it – where has the passion from my life gone? - he asked himself.

From then, Sandeep was in an introspective mood. He reached his house, parked his car, but instead of going up, chose to sit on one of the benches in the small garden of their apartment. He had turned 40 last September and remembered how he was ruing the fact that he could no longer claim to be in his 30s. He had lost significant hair, and unfortunately whatever remained was mostly grey turning into white. For someone who had once represented his college in cricket, his pot belly clearly seemed to show a changed man. These concerned him, but what was worse was his mental state.

Besides the stress of a demanding job, which, to a varying degree, he guessed was common to almost all professionals, he felt guilty of ignoring his family. His parents (father was 70, and mother 65) were obviously not going to get any younger. They chose to stay at their native place in Rajasthan in spite of his repeated requests, because they could not relate to the fast paced Mumbai life where even neighbors were mere strangers! They kept on having some health issue or the other- thankfully nothing major, but typical old age symptoms. On the other hand, was his 8 year old son, Rupesh. As Sandeep looked back, he felt time had just fled by. He still remembered how he had felt on seeing his newborn a few minutes after his birth. He had told himself, he will give the baby all the attention that he deserved- but reality had been very far from that. And then there was his wife, Neha. Theirs had been a love marriage, but over a period of time, where the love had evaporated still intrigued him. They seemed to be living in different worlds, with some intersections driven more by necessity than anything else.

Even on the career front, he felt dejected. Clearly he was capable of much more. He had seen his b-school mates rise to positions of eminence (MDs, CEOs and other fancy designations), and here he was- a vice president of marketing in a mid-sized consumer company. He had been trying to move to greener pastures, but things just were not working out. He had managed to buy a decent house in a good apartment, but the EMIs were still sucking a large part of his salary.

And what became of his dreams- of being a lead guitarist of a band and playing his favorite music while traveling across the world- seemed to have been a gust of wind dissipated by a fort. Sandeep felt trivial, lonely and lost. He wished he could course correct his life, bring back its passion but did not know what to do. Where do you start with when everything needs to be repaired? He asked himself.

After a while, he went to his home trying to be his normal self and getting back his focus to the presentations that were due. He took a day off on Tuesday, and called up his mother. He knew if there was someone on earth who would probably understand him it would be her. He had a long conversation with her, focusing on his parents and how he felt he was not doing enough for them. His mother listened patiently, but argued back that he was doing his best and that is all that counted. She praised him for thinking about them, taking care of their finances etc. “We understand that you cannot be with us physically all the time and your limitations that lead to this. We also appreciate that this is also a result of our choice as well.” The conversation made Sandeep feel much better, lighter if you may, and he realized that he needed to have long conversations with his parents on weekly basis. Maybe he could alternate between the two he thought !

In the second half, post office time, he went to meet his dear friend Gaurav whose office was close to his home. They had been classmates in school and their friendship dated almost 30 years. What was more important was that Gaurav was one of the few people around who seemed happy, in spite of a career which never took off. In fact, whenever Sandeep felt bad about being a no body, he would draw comfort by thoughts of Gaurav, who he felt was even worse off than him.

As usual, Gaurav was cheerful and initially made light of Sandeep’s worries. But when he realized that this was burdening his friend, he shared how he had maintained his sanity in this competitive world. Gaurav focused on his priorities- “me time” (15-20 mins of solitary meditation), sporty activity- half an hour to 45 mins of badminton or tennis daily, still found time to read books – a childhood passion and found time for family. On the flip side, he pointed out that he really did not have a great job or an own house or a big car. But he had made a conscious choice, and he was happy that he had done so.

Sandeep realized that one cannot have it all. One has to be clear about priorities- and be focused on them. In the effort of trying to achieve everything, he had just made himself miserable. He also realized that while money and status was important to him, he would rather make that compromise on them and find more time for himself. There is no end to material means. I have already earned enough to survive- he told himself.

Then came the thought about his wife. He realized that the root of the problem was that they hardly found time for each other. Lack of communication had led to further confusion about each other. Neha had initially complained of feeling neglected but over a period of time had stopped complaining- maybe she had given up on that. For a start, he decided to take her out for dinner, while his son played with Gaurav’s son. Given her love for fancy stuff, he decided to take her to a swanky place. Neha could not believe this and got a sense that there is something fishy. But when she realized through the course of the meal, that Sandeep really wanted to change the way things were operating in his life, she became quite interested in this initiative.

They decided to think through things over a coffee. “Maybe you can start by changing your job to a place closer by- will save you two hours of commute. Even if it slightly lower on salary, besides the petrol saving, we will still be okay. We all three can go for a walk daily. Will be good to spend daily time as family besides much needed physical exercise for all. Maybe you and Rupesh can even go for music classes over the weekend. He has a love for music like you. You both will be able to do pursue something you like and bond better. I can use that time to join cooking classes. “ Neha said, with the ease of someone who knew it all. This is why he had fallen in love with her- he admitted to himself.

We make life more complicated than it is- Sandeep said to himself. With some clear prioritization and regular communication we can make life more meaningful and less problematic he concluded. Life suddenly did not look all that bad to him. Yes, he would have to make a few compromises, but he felt this was the right path- doing things which gave him joy and ensuring he lives up to his responsibilities towards his family and himself ! He still had a long way to go, but at least he had some idea of both the destination and the journey.